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Stuff Southern Mommas Say

As a kid growing up in the South, I learned the difference between sarcasm and sincerity real fast.  I learned that tone only makes up about 40% of each individual way of speaking; the other 60% is all in the body language.  And y’all — ain’t nobody got that tone and body language down-pat quite like we southern mommas.

Before I had kids, I only thought I’d inherited the gift prematurely.  Psh!  I was a timid little dormouse until I had kids.  These days I speak sarcasm so fluently, most people think I’m the nicest, most sincere person they’ve ever laid eyes on.  My kids are little smart-asses, too, but they don’t got nothin’ on their momma.  Y’all call it being passive-aggressive; we call it issuing a dare.

Oh, sure; we mean what we say.  But the true brilliance of SM language is the ability to almost speak in code with the eyes.  You may HEAR, “Go right on ahead and touch that fence”.  But if you’re paying real close attention to the shifting of our gaze and the clenching of our fists, then you know what we really mean is, “Go ahead and touch the fence, smart ass.  But we’re not going to the hospital and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna listen to your bitchin’.”  So this brings me to the topic at hand: stuff southern mommas say.

  1. Excuse me?!
    Y’all, when you hear this you better hit the ground runnin’ and hope to God we can’t get our flip flops off in time to chuck it at the back of your head.  I have said, “Excuse me?!” so many times to my kids that the last time I sneezed, the boys both cleaned the entire house and offered to cook dinner.  Poor babies hadn’t even done anything — that time.  But momma don’t play.  And if momma ain’t playin, ain’t nobody playin’.
  2. Go ahead and touch (insert object here) after I said not to.
    This is the ultimate “don’t even think about it”.  Most of the time I don’t even have to come through with a punishment because whatever it is my kid(s) has (have) touched is punishment enough.  Case in point: I told Connor not to touch my straightener the other day.  Now, I’m not above baby-proofing and there’s no way in hell I’d have that thing low enough for Mason to get to it.  But Con is old enough to know (and I’ve reiterated enough) that the damn straightener is HOT, and just like the oven, we don’t touch it.  So what’s he do?  Well, the little smart-alec went in and just barely touched the plate.  I mean just barely; it didn’t even leave a mark.  It scared him more than it hurt.  But he knew to “suck it up, buttercup” because I’d already told him, “Uh, don’t touch that”.  However, sometimes the kids slip up and still come running after doing something less than intelligent.  In those cases, we hit ’em with…

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  3. Don’t come runnin’ to me.  I don’t want to hear it.
    Here’s the phrase that often gets us southern mommas in a fair amount of hot water, but we don’t care.  Listen, a kid’s gotta learn at some point in his or her life how not to do stupid things.  We like to call this “experience”.  If you haven’t experienced something, you’ll never know the rewards or pitfalls that whatever-it-is can bring you.  It’s kind of like riding a bike: once you learn, you never forget.  So in the bicycle ride of life, you gotta bust your ass a few times before you’re riding a Tour de France.  Also, on a less logical basis, this really means, “I TOLD YOU SO.”
  4. Bless your heart.
    This one has been done to death, but there are so many possible meanings to this phrase.  Sure, we may mean we’ll pray for your momma and them — but probably not.  Generally speaking, we’re telling you in the nicest way possible to get over yourself.  Hey, sometimes we all need to hear it.

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  5. Oh, honey.
    “Oh, honey” is simply a less condescending way of saying, “Bless your heart”.  Sometimes we even mean, “Oh, honey”.  However, the sincerity is limited to the death of a loved one, a bad hairdo, or getting into Ole Miss but not LSU.  If you’ve been “oh, honey-ed” recently but haven’t experienced any of the above scenarios, then someone out there thinks you’re a few bricks short of a house.
  6. Lemme say it one more time.
    For the love of God and all that is holy, don’t make that woman repeat herself.  Unless, of course, you enjoy frostbite.  Then go for it.

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  7. God don’t like ugly.
    Stop runnin’ your head about your cousin’s sister’s fiancé.
  8. Did I ask who put it there.
    No, I didn’t mean to insert a question mark.  This is a STATEMENT, y’all.  Not a question.  And if you value your hide at all, you’ll pick up whatever it is that’s on the ground, table, or couch FAST.
  9. I know you did not!
    Gabe’s teacher reminded me of this one yesterday and I laughed out loud.  I’m constantly saying this to my boys.  The look on my boys’ faces when they hear this — Lawd.  I can’t even put it into words.  It’s definitely a “deer-in-headlights meets aliens are coming” kind of face.  For those of you who are lucky enough to have never heard ya momma say, “I know you did NOT!”, let me fill you in on the meaning: your ass is grass.  You will soon to meet your Maker.  Hit the deck, Bud, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.  In short: you’ve really screwed yourself and there’s no gettin’ out of it.
  10. You’re killin’ me, smalls.
    Okay, so this one may not be limited to us southern moms.  But I know for certain we say this A LOT.  And, really, it speaks for itself.  Say the kids aren’t really being bad, just… “plentiful”.  Coming in and out, in and out, in and out… letting out the “bought air”.  Or runnin’ wild in the heat of the day, all up in your house?  You don’t really want to jerk a knot in anyone because your own momma taught you to pick your battles.  So the next best thing to clotheslining your own spawn is to simply let out an exasperated, “YA KILLIN’ ME, SMALLS!”  The kids get the message, count their blessings that there is still breath within their lungs, and for a solid two minutes there is peace.  It’s only fair — about ten minutes into more rough-housing, one of the aforementioned statements is going to come rushin’ out of your mouth faster than a Nascar at Daytona.

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  11. Lastly, You are my sunshine.
    I don’t want anyone leaving this post thinking that us Scarlett O’Haras, Blanche Devereauxs, or Ousier Boudreauxs do anything less than love our kids.  They are the lights of our lives.  Our reasons for loving anyone from the mud to the moon.  And, yeah — sometimes they are our emergency trips to Target for a big-ass bottle of Tylenol and a box of wine.  But they teach us as we teach them.  They love us as we love them.  And one day they’ll leave the nest and have children of their own.  Until that day comes, we’ll be back porch sittin’, summer day spendin’, and on the couch cuddlin’ with our littles.

    Until they piss us off.  Then they better run.

 

Decor, Entertaining, Family, Gifts, Heirlooms, Holidays, Links, Lists, Mom blog, Mom Life, Mood Boards, Motherhood, Parenting, Uncategorized

Mother’s Day Gift Guide pt. 4

Hey, y’all!  So sorry for the long absence; the past few days have been absolutely crazy.  However, I’m back with our fourth edition of the Mother’s Day Gift Guide.  Today, I’m going to share with you two of my favorite brands from two of my favorite leading ladies: Joanna Gaines & Ree Drummond.  I love these two mommas’ charming personalities and am constantly impressed by their moral compasses — even in the face of their individual fame.

Joanna’s line “Hearth & Hand” (a Target exclusive) is simple yet stunning; her attention to detail is absolutely exquisite.  Ree’s “Pioneer Woman” takes a different approach, but is equally charming and detail oriented.  I have provided two separate boards each complete with links to the products.

What momma wouldn’t love getting some new decor inspiration?!  I know I sure would.  Here’s to finding some beautiful ideas for mom that I just know she’ll enjoy for years to come.

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Joanna Gaines’ “Hearth & Hand”
  1. Stoneware Trays: Set of 2
  2. Stoneware Pedestal Bowl
  3. Covered Cake Stand
  4. Magnolia Table Cookbook
  5. 2-Tier Cake Stand

 

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Ree Drummond’s “Pioneer Woman”
  1. Cookbook Stand
  2. Batter Bowl
  3. Pioneer Woman 2-Quart Pitcher
  4. Pioneer Woman “Food From My Frontier Cookbook”
  5. Jade Cake Stand

 


Previous Posts
Mother’s Day Gift Guide pt. 1
Mother’s Day Gift Guide pt. 2
Mother’s Day Gift Guide pt. 3

Holidays, Links, Lists, Mom blog, Mom Life, Mood Boards, Motherhood, Parenting, Uncategorized

Mother’s Day Gift Guide pt. 3

There are days that us moms feel like dressing up (read: the good leggings and non-stained top) and there are days that we have to shave our legs, put on good jeans, and a nice blouse.  But I would say most of the time, for me anyway, the go-to uniform is a kitschy t-shirt, lightly distressed denim, and trusty Chucks.  I love a cute tee that expresses my mood for the day — whether that mood is light or dark is generally pretty up in the air.  But today, for lightness’ sake, I’ve rounded up a few of my favorites.  You may be thinking, “Who on earth would get their mom a TEE SHIRT for Mother’s Day?!”  Trust me.  If she has toddlers, puking babies, or if she’s recently cleaned a toilet, she’d love the new top (and you!) forever.

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  1. Raising Wild Things tee
  2. Mom of Boys tee
  3. Mom of Girls tee
  4. They Whine I Wine tee
  5. Walk Across Legos tee
  6. Diet Coke Helps tee

Not Pictured
Gabriel Clothing Co. Mom Box
Bonus Mommin’ tee

Family, Gifts, Holidays, Kids, Links, Lists, Mom blog, Mom Life, Mood Boards, Motherhood, Parenting, Women's health

Mother’s Day Gift Guide pt. 2

We’re back for the second part of the Mother’s Day gift guide.  Most moms these days are either into fitness for fitness’ sake or, if they’re like me, are into fitness because: toddlers.  Either way, there are so many great gift options available that encompass fitness and health.  You don’t have to weigh mom down with dumbells and gym memberships in order to meet her interests (although if she’s into that, the what the hell).  Today you can find neat water bottles that infuse natural fruit flavoring, punny tops that motivate, fitness trackers, etc., etc.  I’ve rounded up a few of my personal favorites to show y’all today.  I hope you find something for mom so she can have her cake and eat it too — so to speak.

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  1. Ellie Activewear Subscription Box
  2. Qalo Stackable Silicone Wedding Band
  3. Avocardio Gym Bag
  4. Drink More Water (make more milk) Water Bottle
  5. MisFit Smart Watch ($199.99)

 

Come back tomorrow for more great Mother’s Day goodies!

Previous Posts
Mother’s Day Gift Guide pt. 1

Family, Gifts, Holidays, Links, Lists, Mom Life, Mood Boards, Motherhood, Parenting, Uncategorized

Mother’s Day Gift Guide

If you’re like me, you’re probably wondering where in the world the time has gone.  How is it already late April?!  Per usual, time has a way of making itself into an epic whirlwind.  With that said, Mother’s Day is upon us.  Hell, most you ARE mommas, so that isn’t exactly news to you.  But some of you might be wondering what on earth to get for that special ladies (or several special ladies) in your life to show them your appreciation.  I absolutely fall into that category; I could give my own mom a stick tied with a string and she’d manage to not only find a use for it, but she would also genuinely appreciate the “thought”.

Contrary to popular belief, people like this are not easy to buy for (I’m lookin’ at you, Elizabeth).  In fact, the desire to find the perfect thing for that person only intensifies itself.  Now, I’m lucky in that I know my mom pretty well and know what she likes, what she loves, and what she says she likes but really hates.  But sometimes a brain fart squeaks its way into the forefront of the old brain box and *poof* you’re lost.  This is where a gift guide comes in handy.  I have compiled various lists of possible Mother’s Day gift items that might strike your fancy.  If not, hopefully, it can point you in the right direction.  Come back every day to see a different category!

Today we’re starting off with an old standby: jewelry.  I love jewelry, but I’m not super keen on over-the-top, fancy stuff.  I do have little ones, after all, and no nanny, so expensive baubles just aren’t my cup of tea.  I adore sentimental jewelry, however.  Below are a few of my absolute favorites — with links included!

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  1. Lisa Leonard Rose Gold Stacking Rings
  2. Sierra Metal Raising My Tribe Cuff
  3. Lisa Leonard Open Circle Pearl Necklace
  4. SM Mama Bear Necklace
  5. SM Outnumbered (#boymom) Necklace

 

Hope you find something wonderful from these suggestions and come back tomorrow for more gift ideas!

Baby, Family, Kids, Links, Lists, Mood Boards, Motherhood, Parenting

My Must Have Baby Items (with links!)

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It’s the day after Easter and boy am I spent.  We had a full, but great, weekend with family and I loved every minute of it.

Our boys are so blessed to have people in their lives who love them the way they do and I am so grateful!  I’m also grateful to live in an age where bringing up baby has become a bit easier thanks to helpful products — especially since we hosted one event at our home!

My boys are each four years apart from one another (the biggest gap is an eight-year difference) and I forget each time just how hard it can be to juggle little ones during any holiday season, particularly if you’re playing host(ess).  Today I am sharing with you my most favorite items for baby that have made my days run a bit more smoothly.  I hope these suggestions will come in handy for you!

header diaper bag

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  1. Skip Hop Pronto Baby Changing Station & Diaper Clutch

  2. Munchkin Formula Dispenser
  3. BooginHead Pacifier Clip
  4. Johnson’s Take Along Travel Pack
  5. Munchkin Arm & Hammer Bag Dispenser
  6. Aden + Anais Burpy Bib

header feeding

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  1. Nuk Simply Natural Bottles
  2. Beaba Food Storage Containers
  3. Munchkin Steam Guard Sterilizer
  4. Munchkin White Hot Safety Spoons
  5. Eddie Bauer 3-in-1 High Chair

 

header gear

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  1. Fisher-Price Rock ‘n Play Sleeper
  2. Graco Pack ‘n Play Playard
  3. Bright Starts Tummy Time Mat
  4. Evenflo ExerSaucer Fold + Go
  5. Eddie Bauer Alpine 4 LX Travel System

 

header sleeping

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  1. VTech® Camera – VM3251-2
  2. Aden + Anais Swaddles
  3. SwaddleMe Slumber Buddies Soother
  4. SwaddleDesigns® Cotton Muslin Sleeping Sack
  5. SwaddleMe® Original Swaddle 2pk

 

DISCLOSURE: I am not receiving any compensation from any of these brands.  The items on this list are things I, personally, have used and recommend. 

Books, Family, Holidays, Kids, Mood Boards, Parenting, Reading

Our Favorite Easter Books (with links!)

pinterest

We love reading in our house; I have read to my boys from the time they were born.  So naturally, every holiday, they each receive a book.  I love that there are so many titles these days that encompass various holidays, and Easter is no different.  Today I am sharing with you my very favorite books for this upcoming Easter, complete with links to each title.  I hope you will find something for your littles that will be pure magic for them.

Board Books (baby – 3)

spring books1

  1. P is for Peter
  2. Llama Llama Easter Egg
  3. Little Blue Truck’s Springtime
  4. Happy Easter, Mouse!
  5. The Very Hungry Caterpillar’s Easter Colors

Picture Books (4 – 8)

spring books2

  1. How to Catch the Easter Bunny
  2. The Berenstain Bears and the Easter Story
  3. Happy Easter Curious George
  4. Tiny the Louisiana Easter Bunny (there are other state titles, too!)
  5. There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Chick

 

Chapter Books (9-12)

spring books3

  1. Bunny Double We’re in Trouble
  2. Heidi Hecklebeck and the Tie-Dyed Bunny
  3. Galaxy Zack: A Galactic Easter
  4. Junie B. Jones: Dumb Bunny
  5. Captain Awesome and the Easter Egg Bandit