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When Did Crayons Stop Being Basic?

The other night, I sat with my kindergartner as he did homework.  The assignment was a worksheet on differentiating between “left & right” on which he would draw/color on a pair of hands (I’ve included a link to the activity here).  I loved the activity and so did he; it kept his attention and allowed some creativity while also providing direction.  Everything would have gone off without a hitch. . . until crayons.  Seriously, y’all — when did crayons get so extra?!  They’re fancier now than I’ll ever be (and have ever been).  After five minutes of trying to find a non-pink red and a non-purple blue, I was left feeling miffed and, to some degree, pretty basic.  Honest to God, I don’t even have that many colors in my wardrobe.  And who the hell is coming up with these color names??  Is this an actual job?  Can people apply for this?  Because I can pull random words out of my butt to describe color shades, too.

“Uh, yes — I’m here to interview for Obscure Crayon Moniker Giver/Administrative Assistant.”  Dumb.

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courtesy of babyblues.com rick kirkman/jerry scott

In all seriousness, though — when we were kids (back in the day), color names were pretty straight-forward or at least let you know in which direction the color was headed.

“Strawberry shortcake red?  Eh… that’ll be pink-ish.”

“Celestial blue?  Kind of purple-ish.”

These days?  Our kids are left to use fifty-eleven sheets of scrap paper in order to figure out which red is actually red.  RazzmatazzFlamingo Pink (RED)??  Big Dip’o Ruby?!  Look, I can get past the ridiculous names.  And I love that there are so many color options available for crafts and general coloring.  But why isn’t there a box of crayons strictly for school purposes?  I’m talking ordinary, no-nonsense, no mystery basic. freaking. colors.  Red. Pink. Purple. Blue. Green. DANDELION.  My five year old doesn’t need these millenial-derived, newfangled, pieces of wax mumbo jumbo.  He’s still learning that everyday colors are combined to make other great shades — why confuse the situation?  Why waste time?

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“Just grab the crayon that says ‘red’, Sarah, geez.”  Don’t think we didn’t try that.  It wasn’t red!  It was a dark pink with a red tint.  We wound up using .  Not even kidding.

And don’t get me started on PlaySkool or CraZArt brands (although, what can you expect from brands who purposely misspell their names).  Hot Chili Pepper — red wrapper, dark brown (almost black) wax: colors like mud.  Red Clay — orangeish wrapper, red wax: it’s freaking pink.  But I digress.

No joke, I’d buy the crap out of a 24-count box of primary/pastel colors even if the name on the box were “Basic Bitch Edition”.  I DON’T EVEN CARE.  I’m a busy mom of three boys. I don’t have time to play musical chairs, crayon edition.  Adding to that — I’m frugal as hell.  I’ve been told to “just throw the extra colors away”.  How about I throw you away, Susan?  Because I paid $1.98 for this box of shenanigans and I intend on my kids eventually using these crayons — even if it means I use $4 worth of paper and ink for coloring sheets.

courtesy: scarymommy.com

Do your littles get frustrated when they accidentally mis-color an assignment?  I think that’s where most of my “angst” is coming from, personally.  Connor is very much a “must be the right color/shape/number/etc” for his homework and gets plumb beside himself when he can’t fix the mistake.  Gabe has colored pencils that are erasable and has been letting Con use them for homework time which helps — although the colored pencils aren’t as “deceptive” as the colors.  Where are my teachers at?  Parents of pre-schoolers/kinders?  Obviously, this is not so much a big deal as it is a nuisance, but what are your opinions?  Are there boxes of regular shades and I’ve just been missing them?  Comment below!

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Poop & Circumstance

“In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun.” – Mary Poppins

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There’s a reason her name wasn’t Mary Poopins, y’all, and clearly, she never had to deal with one of Jane or Michael’s poop diapers. Sometimes there simply isn’t a big enough spoonful of sugar to make those BM explosions go away.

You’ll find a common theme in my posts among the rest of my Disney references that involve Miss Poppins. Girl had it going on, y’all, and I’d kill for that bag (in an updated fabric, of course). But, as is characteristic of opinions, I have to disagree with one of my favorite fictional characters on her “element of fun” mantra. I just can’t see myself gettin’ jiggy with a poop disaster. Sorry, lady — “A” for effort!

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I’m not necessarily complaining about diaper changes, guys. It comes with the territory, after all, and truth be told I’d rather deal with having to hose my kid down than having a little one with constipation issues. On that note, however, a spoonful of sugar ain’t gonna help that issue, either.

Being a mom of three, I feel like I can confidently say I’ve seen my fair share of different tummy and booty-cover nightmares. All three of my guys have had varied tummy issues, all of which have been a chore to sort out. Gabe was lactose intolerant until pre-k and, thankfully, we figured that out relatively quickly. He took to almond milk products really well and still likes them even now. Connor was my easiest to figure out as far as gastrointestinal fun goes, but even now his tummy can’t hold much of anything which leaves him as a “grazer”; no lie, it takes him an hour to eat dinner — or anything, for that matter — and even then he becomes full quickly. Mason has occasional bouts of constipation, which can be normal for his age, but Lord when he is experiencing constipation it’s a doozy. He has been harder to figure out as far as formula goes because he also deals with moderate acid reflux from time-to-time.

When he hit six months he was able to begin eating small amounts of whole milk yogurt. I bought a brand that I’d been eyeing since he was a newborn and was so excited to give it a go. I was a little nervous giving it to him as sometimes yogurt can be a little sour, but I was determined to try it anyway and hopeful that it would grow on him eventually. As luck would have it, he loved it and, bonus!, his tummy loves it, as well. The probiotics in HappyFamilyOrganics have done wonders with helping regulate his digestive system and the taste is absolutely on point. They aren’t limited to just yogurt for babies though, guys! Their products begin with mommas (breastfeeding bars!), and move on to babies, toddlers, and kiddos!

Listen, I’m in no way getting paid or otherwise reimbursed for my opinions. This may be a no-no in the blogosphere, but I just really felt like other moms and dads out there might need a recharge for baby tummies. I sure did! You all should also note that this product is being used in addition to small amounts of gripe water (when needed!). I try really hard not to give in to gas drops and gripe water unless absolutely necessary, although neither hurt him (gripe water is 100% natural! — here is the brand we use for drops and GW).

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I’ll be so glad once we are all finally past the baby tummy ache stage — I hate it when they hurt! But I am relieved to know that there are products out there that help keep everything moving as they should. What are some remedies or products you use or have used? Hit me up! Like this post? Sharing is caring!

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