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Elf on the Shelf? Hell to the No.

Okay, guys. I’m going to go ahead and preface by saying I’m no Scrooge and I am not bashing any of you parents who have gone the Elf on the Shelf route.  I think the actual little Elf, itself, is precious and I understand that the idea behind it is less so teaching kids proper behavior and more so good, festive fun.  This post is mostly targeted at myself and my inability to properly “mom”.  With that said…

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Mother of three boys and ruler of utter chaos, here.  I know most of you have 2+ children, are rulers of your own chaotic kingdoms, and are still able to fulfill your Elf Shelf duties.  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t envious of those time-management skills.  And while I love my boys and the insanity they bring (that’s a lie.  I am not a fan of the madness), I am the queen of absentmindedness.  Case in point:

I struggle to remember what needs to be put on my grocery list.  If I remember what needs to be written down, I forget to remember to put it in my purse.  And if I remember to put it in my bag, the list will, inevitably, somehow get left behind in my car.  And if, IF, that list actually makes it’s way into the grocery store, a breeze will steal it away in a last-ditch effort to give my attempt at organization the ultimate middle finger.

I left my phone at home Friday.  Actually, I thought I’d left it on the roof of my car and lost it to the great outdoors.  However, my husband was kind enough to send me a picture of it via messenger of it sitting on the bathtub.  Because that’s CLEARLY where it belongs.  (FACE. PALM.)  Once I finally retrieved it, I realized I’d forgotten my wallet at the office.  With my debit card, checkbook, and license in it.  And also, my Burt’s Bees which, obviously, is infinitely more important than say, MY LICENSE.

I forgot to take my keys out of the front door last night after I’d unlocked it to get my heathens inside.  After a frantic thirty minutes of searching for the “lost” keys the next morning, I found them on my way out said front door to search my vehicle.  Y’all.  I can’t make this crap up.

So do you guys really think I need to attempt to remember to move an elf every damned day of my life?  No?  I didn’t think so.

seriously?!  this would be part of their christmas gifts.  have y’all priced foil lately?!

Listen, I’m from a generation where we didn’t need a rogue North Pole spy to remind us to behave — especially during the holidays.  We fully relied on, and were totally okay with, being told once that Santa, an old man who knew our every flippin’ move, could see us 24/7.  We didn’t need to see that Christmas-y creepiness to believe it — our parents took full advantage of our fear and innocence stupidity.  Nothing was ever moved, there were no elaborate schemes, and mom didn’t have to bold-faced lie to us with an outrageous story-line about why an Elf had or hadn’t been moved because THERE WAS NO FREAKING ELF NARC.

As a product of the eighties, I distinctly remember belting Alvin & the Chipmunk’s version of, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” on my Fisher-Price cassette player every day of my existence when I was a kid.  Yes, even then I was that obnoxious person who played Christmas songs on loop all year ’round.  There was no doubt in my mind that I risked “losing it all” if I didn’t get my act together.  My parents didn’t have to waste precious hours of sleep and ungodly amounts of aluminum foil to keep us in check.  The simple white-lie of Santa’s existence was enough to go on.

And I get it.  These days, kids literally (think they) need elaborate plots and twists and turns.  Most of these kids have everything on demand — and I’m not even talking about the bratty ones.  No, today is very much an on-demand kind of life.  So maybe the purest form of Christmas magic is simply fading into the background.  I remember the excitement of driving around neighborhoods just to look at lights and decorations.  These days?  That simple kind of happiness just doesn’t exist.  I can’t even say that my kids are ovely-excited at the prospect of light searching.  Sure, they love the festive twinkling of lights that only come once a year.  But does it thrill them?  Not the way it did when we were kids.  Now, if there aren’t a couple of inflated Nutcrackers in addition to the lights, it’s just… “meh”.

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I guess I’m just too old-fashioned, and too absent-minded, to fully appreciate the newness that is Elf on the Shelf.  Or, perhaps, I’m just stuck on the simpler magic.  The things that left me breathless.  The things that, growing up, I couldn’t wait to share with my own little ones.

I suppose, though, that traditions are fine but are sometimes meant to be broken or bent.  Not only that, traditions are best when they’re made or reinvented with the ones you love.  Rest assured, there is no hate for the Elf and his (or her) antics, and if y’all could package up some extra energy and Ginko Biloba and send it my way, that’d be swell.  😉

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Fangirl Friday — JK Farms

Hey, y’all! Hope you guys had a great Thanksgiving. Hard to believe we are heading into December — and I haven’t even started decorating yet (not counting the wreath on the front door). This year has flown and, just being honest, I’m not entirely sad to see it go. However, Mason’s first birthday is next Friday and I am so pumped about that! I’m equally bummed, though — this is my last baby and I cannot get over how quickly his first year has gone by. He has really completed our family dynamic and I can’t begin to imagine life without his thousand watt smile.

But getting to the topic of the day! We’re kicking off today’s Fangirl Friday with my sister-in-law’s “baby”, JK Farms. She and my brother are forces to be reckoned with when it comes to farm life and I have loved watching their farm, and their love for it, grow. So now I’m turning the mic over to Kristyn.

1) Hey, Kristyn! Thanks so much for joining us today!
*Thanks for having me and spotlighting our farm…JK Farms!

2) So today you’re going to tell us about your “baby”, JK Farms. How did you decide this was what you wanted to do?
*Well, it’s definitely my “baby”! I’m an animal freak basically — haha! Some think it’s a little overboard, but I enjoy them all. I’ve ALWAYS been an animal lover. Once I moved back out to my childhood home and set some roots down we decided to get chickens. I kept hearing about chickens being the “gateway” animal to farming….well it’s true! We started out with 12 chickens in June 2016….now November 2018 we’re up to around 100 animals! We have chickens, guineas, turkeys, ducks, Muscovy, geese, rabbits, mini pigs, goats, 2 cats and 6 dogs.

3) What is the best thing to you, personally, about JK Farms?
*The best thing about JK Farms is it’s mine! I put my whole heart into these animals. They’re not only there to help feed my family and make us a little money, but they’re my pets. Most of them have names, of course. They bring me joy and happiness.

4) Has this changed you and, if so, how?
*I think it’s changed me for sure! I’m learning what it’s like to own my own business so that’s making me more responsible, for sure. I can also now understand all the hard work it takes in building your own business. Even though this really started out as a hobby, I now want to do this full time!

5) So, I know that you’ve got a full-time job in addition to JK Farms, but if you weren’t doing this today, what would you be doing?
*If I didn’t have JK Farms…hmmm, I don’t want to think about life without JK Farms! lol.

6) What are some reasons that you like to share this passion with others?
*I love sharing about JK Farms and my animals because it makes me happy and I want to make others happy. Seeing my goats running and jumping around and raring back to ram each other all in play is so peaceful. Seeing the mini pigs lounging around with their guardian dog in the sunlight; a chicken chase after a cricket or a muscovy going after a moth; one of the cats jumping up to catch a dragonfly; and watching a chick hatch, seeing the start of a precious living thing is an experience everyone should have at some point in their lives. Not owning a farm — but being able to witness the pure innocence and joy of animals.

7) This is definitely a lifestyle commitment. What are some ways that you enjoy sharing your experiences with others? Do you feel like your love for JK Farms has inspired others to broaden their horizons as far as recognizing their own passions?
*I hope I have inspired at least one person to follow their dream, no matter how big or small. I would’ve never thought this would be my life, but I’m so thankful for it. I can’t wait to raise a child on our farm and instill my passion for animals in them. I pray they enjoy it all as much as I do.

8) These days, everyone has so much going on and dreams/goals become lost in the busyness. How would you encourage other women to stay goal oriented?
*You gotta start somewhere! Make a vision board! Gather pictures, newspaper or magazine clippings, words, whatever it may be that makes up what your dream is or your goals and post it somewhere… somewhere you’ll see it every single day as a constant reminder to chase your dreams! Make lists! I need to do better at this, but it’s the best way to stay on top of your goals.

9) Thanks so much for sharing with us today! Anything else you’d like to add?
Thank you so much for helping us small business owners get out there and share our passions!

Hope you enjoyed reading about farm life with Kristyn! It’s so cool to me how different interests cultivate different goals, making them realities. If you want to stay linked in to what’s new on the farm, hop over to JK Farms on Facebook at the link below and share this post! Thanks for reading, y’all!

JK Farms

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Fangirl Friday – Lexie Too Designs

Happy Black Friday, y’all (is that even a thing?)!  I’m super excited to share with you guys a new series that I’m calling FanGirl Fridays.  No, this isn’t about Jason Momoa or Captain America (although I know some of you would be all. over. that).  In this series, I am going to be showcasing female entrepreneurs, near and far, and the businesses and products that they have helped pave new roads for their dreams and goals.

First up, I have Jessica with Lexie Too Designs.  Jessica is a Louisiana native and single, working mom.  The idea behind Lexie Too is so cool and inspiring and I am so excited to introduce her to you guys.  So without further ado, I turn the mic erm, blog, over to Jess.

**At the end of this post is a link to her Facebook page.  Please check her out!  If you like what you see, follow and share!**

1) Hey, Jessica! Thanks so much for joining us today!
Thank you for having me.

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2) So today you’re going to tell us about your business, Lexie Two Designs. How did this get its start?
I started this as a fundraiser for my daughter’s cheer. She was accepted to University Academy. Sports can be expensive lol. So in June we came up with making a few colors of faux druzy studs. They sold out really fast! I added a few more colors and it just grew from there. A few weeks into June a wonderful friend of mine gave me a nudge to turn it into an LLC.

3) What is the best thing to you, personally, about Lexie Two? Has this changed anything for you and, if so, how?
I love creating new pieces. I spend alot of time finding new materials to work with and in different ways. Helping people find what they are looking for and at an affordable rate. I’ve been a single mom for 13 years. I wanted to make something beautiful that all women could afford. I am incredibly grateful for Lexie Two Designs. It has truly been a blessing for our family.

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4) If you weren’t doing this today, what would you be doing?
I would still be looking for my passion & trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Now I’ve found it.

5) I’ve looked at your designs, and they’re stunning! What is your favorite thing about putting art into everyday items?
I like to find the beauty in everything. Have you ever seen a woman’s face light up with a compliment on something as small as her earrings?

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6) How has sharing your creativity with others changed you?
I am more open to others & their likes & dislikes. Some friends and I have bonded over discussing LTD and its operations.

7) These days, everyone has so much going on and dreams/goals become lost in the busyness. How would you encourage other women to stay goal oriented?
Find out why you are doing this. What’s your motivation and what do you want out of it? Find your brand. The look, logo & feel of your company should match your mission. Write it all down! And then the most important….do it scared. If your dreams don’t scare you they aren’t big enough, right?

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8 ) Thanks so much for sharing with us today! Anything else you’d like to add?
Just to all women, know your worth & add tax. Never settle for a life less than what you want & deserve. Make it happen you’ll never regret it.

Lexie Too Designs

Anything else you guys want to know?  Hit me with your questions and I’ll pass them along!  Hit her link directly above to check out all of her new designs — and don’t forget to follow!

Interested in being featured on FanGirl Fridays?  Shoot me an email or message me at Memoirs of a SAHM.

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Ten Ways Children Are Like the Government

Growing up, I was so blessed to have parents who not only discussed with us current events and political/moral beliefs, but who also allowed us to have our own opinions — no matter how laughable or illogical those opinions happened to be. The same could be said with their methodology of parenting, though; nothing was off-limits as far as discussing why things were the way they were. We didn’t have to agree with their standards, we just had to respect them. Having since grown up, I realize that we, as kids, did respect our parents for this — even though it wasn’t necessarily a conscious effort. We recognized from early ages the work and effort our parents put in to our raising and, even though we obviously saw them from a childlike standpoint, my siblings and I developed strong work ethics and values.

That said, we were kids and made mistakes. Our parents allowed us to make those mistakes and we knew fully that there would be varied degrees of consequences when those missteps were brought to light. A lot of these occurrences were brought to light by discussing with us similarly-happening current events/politics and the outcomes that came from the choices that had been put into motion. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for those life-lessons; it’s something that my husband and I are subsequently (attempting to) instill into our own children. Now with that said — the one thing my parents never fully explained to me that, sweet Lord, I wish they would have, was how BLOODY FRUSTRATING it would be to develop and mold our children into productive, decent, non-life-sucking individuals.

Y’ALL. I. CAN. NOT. EVEN.

What’s more, since becoming a parent and a more involved adult, it’s occurred to me how similar raising small children and sorting through political garbage tends to be. Seriously, it’s baffling. Is it because our children are politically geared and diplomatically minded? Anyone who has ever listened to an argument between two or more ankle-biters know that that’s not the case. No, it’s because politicians and their individual agendas have become so mundane and juvenile. Think back to the latest presidential election if you aren’t catching what I’m throwing. I couldn’t watch or listen to the debates half the time because of how much they sounded like my kids’ arguments. No joke, sometimes I replaced the words “foreign affairs” with “sneezed on my pizza” and the comparison was uncanny.

I’ve decided to share with you all my epiphany, so sit back and enjoy my list of “Ten Ways Children Are Like the Government”.

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  1. Someone is always watching you.
    Never was I so paranoid — until I had children. These days it’s a miracle if I’m not constantly looking over my shoulder. Forget about “Big Brother”; it’s “Tiny Terror” that you should really be worried about.
  2. They argue even when they know they’re wrong.
    I tell my husband regularly that if our kids don’t grow up to be successful lawyers I’m going to be pissed. Seriously, these kids would argue with Jesus. My two oldest boys argued recently over whether the name of breakfast was “banana blueberry pancakes” or “blueberry banana”. Facepalm, guys. Face. Palm.

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  3. There’s a lot of name-calling.
    Look, I could be okay with this part if the names being called were at least witty or came from a place of some intelligence. But no. My kids dig down deep and go low and it doesn’t even have to MAKE SENSE. That’s the worst part. My kids were both in tears the other day because they both called each other, “Mick McBootyFace”. I cannot make this shit up, y’all.
  4. Denial, denial, denial.
    A few days ago I walked into our bathroom to get something or other. I don’t remember what. But that’s not important. What is important, is that upon walking into our bathroom, I noticed my once white and turquoise bath mat was stained a gross shade of mud. Naturally, both suspects adamantly denied having even been near the bathroom. One even blamed his sleeping (infant!) brother. Not today, Satan!
  5. They’re wildly out of touch with reality.
    And I’m not just talking about the Santa & Tooth Fairy stories we pump into our kids. No, kids in general, like most politicians, have zero sense of time & zero sense of reality. Case in point: Connor said we bought our house for $50 and a four-wheeler trade. Gabe threw in that if there weren’t so many of us that we could have a DeLorean or a motorcycle with a sidecar. SAY WHAAAA? Adulthood is going to hit these kids hard.

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  6. You never have a shortage of bed partners.
    Okay, so at least the only thing I’m catching from my bed partners is an occasional black eye or the flu. Nevertheless, co-sleeping can be a beeyatch and I’ve got a dislocated shoulder to prove it.
  7. Whatever it is, it’s never their fault.
    Oh, sure. You might have witnessed your kid dump an entire gallon of milk onto the floor because he was attempting to impersonate Captain Underpants. But was it his fault? According to him, no. Why? Oh, it could be anything. The floor made him slip; his foot was itchy; he got too “into character”.
  8. Things aren’t always what they seem.
    It’s quiet in the house? They’re all “sleeping”? Think again. They know they’ve got you where they want you… and they’re coming for you. “He’s right behind me, isn’t he? HE’S GOT THAT WATER GUN AGAIN, DOESN’T HE?!”
  9. It’s all a big mess.
    Nobody is ever on the same page, we’re always running thirty minutes late, and we’ve misplaced homework or doctors’ excuses for the millionth time. Our house is clean, but only because our closets aren’t, and if we can distract you with something over-the-top to keep you from seeing what a shambles our lives are then, dang it, that’s what we’re going to do.

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  10. No one ever really knows what’s going on.
    We’re all just winging it, guys. Doing the best we can day by day. So long as everyone is fed, (fully) clothed, & dry shampooed, I can deal. Did we throw out the permission slip instead of the two-year-old water bill? Probably. Did I make a grocery list and leave it sitting on the kitchen counter (again)? You betcha. Are my kids going to need therapy in adulthood? Psh — I’m not paying for it.

I’m just trying to raise kids who won’t grow up to be entitled man-children. If they grow to be successful and happy, then I’ve done my job. If they end up being life-suckers? See numbers 4 & 7.

However, if they grow up to be politicians…. eh, can’t say I didn’t see it coming.

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Final Countdown

We’re in the process of some life-changes in the Paul household.  Read: I’m studying for my insurance license exam until I can get back to school.  Because of this, household chores are being re-delegated according to age, capability, and efficiency level.  My boys have done piddly chores here and there, but nothing chore chart worthy since I’ve been a stay-at-home-mom for so long.  I mean, hell — I get most everything done during the day (or week), so by the time they come home, tasks are slim pickins.  Don’t get me wrong — they’ve been exposed to yard work, laundry, and garbage detail; slackin’ is not allowed here!  But now that we’re looking at life and schedule changes, more daily chores added are pretty much a must.  I’m not staying up until midnight only to get up at 5AM every freaking day of my life.

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I’ve looked at lists on Pinterest of “age appropriate” chores for the boys and have modified accordingly.  Adjustments will likely still be made, but baby steps are the best steps in figuring out who is best at what and who can stand some improvement in other tasks.

One chore that both boys have been assigned is folding, putting away, and sorting their own laundry.  This is one chore that neither of them mind doing as it allows them some TV time — provided they stay on task and get the job done quickly and neatly.  This has gone off without a hitch…. mostly.  As with most things, there is one flaw that, by God, I’ll have hammered out by the time I’m employed.  Both Gabe and Connor have a SUPER annoying habit of showing off their (lack) of basketball skills by throwing their socks and underwear in the general direction of the washer.  Only their socks and underwear, and only in the general direction.

I don’t know if y’all know this but… I’m a big girl.  I’m also thirty going on one hundred.  My appliance climbing days are DEFINITELY behind me. But, since I’d prefer to not continuously repair or re-buy equipment attachments or hoses, I’m the one climbing behind the washer and/or dryer to retrieve the wayward foot and butt covers.  This wouldn’t be an issue if it weren’t happening daily or if they weren’t running out of undergarments.  Really, I guess “issue” is the wrong word.  Nuisance, perhaps?  Because it isn’t the end of the world, obviously — just a pain in the ass.  Nevertheless, two straight weeks of me crawling my mom hips and carb-loving arse over and behind the washing machine has left me desperate for a solution.

I thought and thought about how I could get their attention that would get the message across loud and clear but without going full Ozzy Osbourne Crazy Train.  I considered making them do jumping jacks every time they missed the desired target, but they enjoy exercising and the goal, here, is for them to put aside their Kobe Bryant tendencies — not encourage them.

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I thought about acting like I was stuck between the wall and dryer, but I am 99.9% certain they’d take advantage of that situation.

And then one day it hit me.  CANTEEN MONEY.  Canteen cash is like gold around these here parts and I’m not above making a dollar for a large Diet Coke, no ice, from McDonalds (a dolla ten, y’all!).  I only ever give each of them a dollar for canteen anyway, so this works out perfectly.  Monday through Thursday they have an opportunity to keep their canteen money.  Every time I have to hoist myself to the back of the washer/dryer, they lose a quarter.  They’re fast learners, so each had seventy-five cents to take to canteen this past Friday.

I’m not above taking candy from a baby my kids, guys. This is especially true if it means I won’t get stuck in a place tighter than pleather leggings from the clearance rack at WalMart.  But I digress.

Other than our battle with “The Case of the Missing Skivvies”, chore completion and delegation is going pretty smoothly.  I’ll admit, I was planning for the worst.  Both boys like to help, but as with any new strategy, things get bad before they get better.  Luckily, there have been little-to-no hiccups and I’ve only had to issue threats of death a handful of times.  My night-caps have drastically decreased in volume and we’re making it to bed by 10:00 instead of 10:30 (BABY STEPS).  Also, my voice is slowly coming back from all of the Death Metal-esque yelling that took place ALL OF LAST WEEK.  Side eye to you, Eureka Math.

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Tonight I’m shooting for a 9:45 bedtime and only refolding the towels once.  Fingers crossed, y’all.  Fingers crossed.

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Wrong Turn

We made it to church on time a few Sundays ago. By “on time”, I mean we were still five minutes late, but five versus fifteen or twenty is pretty fantastic. We were there just in time to catch a ride on one of the church shuttles in the parking lot and made it in time for the boys to split off into their designated groups. Once I got the kids dropped off, I made my way to my class. This is a new group to me so I’m still learning where the class is located. Plus, we’ve missed Sunday School the past few Sundays because: life. Anyway, I got turned around looking for the room where the class (we call them “life groups”, which I love) is located. I was so sure it was on the left side of the hall that I refused to look towards the right. Finally, after ten minutes of looking like a carnival duck, I asked for direction. A sweet custodian took time out of his busyness to bring me to class. Talk about mortified, because….

Y’all. The room was on the right side of the hall. I’d passed it twice. But that simple act of idiocy got me to thinking, “How many times have we all done this?” How many times have we all looked to one direction when we should have looked to the other? How many times have we been so dead-set against being wrong — only to be mildly, moderately, or aggressively humbled?

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If I am being honest, I’m guilty of that awful character trait more often than I’d like to admit. I’m not an overly proud person when it comes to material objects and, to be honest, my pride usually comes in the form of knowing when to ask for help. I SO struggle with needing to prove to myself (and everyone around me) that I’m Wonder Woman when, really, I’m more akin to “Wonder-How-it-Gets-Done-Woman”. I’m no SuperMom or Incredible Homemaker, that’s for sure.

Looking over a classroom number is small potatoes in the grand scheme of things, obviously. It could happen to anyone and has probably happened to everyone at some point or another. But skipping over that class due to my own stubbornness, thereby making me even later for class, is what really struck me hard. “What else have I been too stubborn to look at? What else could be easily fixed, but I keep going back to, ‘It should have never become broken’?” The answer? So many things, y’all. So many things. I’m not one to air my laundry publicly, but there have definitely been some issues in my life lately that I’ve had an opportunity to fix or help fix that I’ve just simply walked away from. The excuses, guys — wow. “‘I’m too busy’, ‘I’ll get to it later’, ‘This isn’t my problem’.”

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How selfish is that, y’all? Pretty damn, right? These life problems range in being not a huge deal to could-be life altering. At what point does life get so over-whelming that our natural response is to shut down and submit to ambivalence? Not even true ambivalence — just a self-preservation tool used to keep us afloat in our own ridiculousness.

You’re probably thinking I over-analyzed that entire scenario and then took it a step too far, right? And you know, you may be (probably are) right in that assumption. But I try and find life-lessons in everything — even in the small things. I’m not always successful in that mindset, but I try to be. Truth is, we’re all going one of two ways: either the right way or the wrong way. Hopefully our lives aren’t at a standstill (although what’s worse — to be at a standstill or to go backwards?), but life happens and sometimes going nowhere in particular is the best path to take.

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My little humbling epiphany was just what this momma needed to get on top of some things and over myself. Sometimes we all need a dose of humility to get past life’s bumps in the road. You guys have any life revelations? Hit me up in the comments below. Like what you’ve read? Follow me on Facebook and Insta! I’d love to see you there!

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When Did Crayons Stop Being Basic?

The other night, I sat with my kindergartner as he did homework.  The assignment was a worksheet on differentiating between “left & right” on which he would draw/color on a pair of hands (I’ve included a link to the activity here).  I loved the activity and so did he; it kept his attention and allowed some creativity while also providing direction.  Everything would have gone off without a hitch. . . until crayons.  Seriously, y’all — when did crayons get so extra?!  They’re fancier now than I’ll ever be (and have ever been).  After five minutes of trying to find a non-pink red and a non-purple blue, I was left feeling miffed and, to some degree, pretty basic.  Honest to God, I don’t even have that many colors in my wardrobe.  And who the hell is coming up with these color names??  Is this an actual job?  Can people apply for this?  Because I can pull random words out of my butt to describe color shades, too.

“Uh, yes — I’m here to interview for Obscure Crayon Moniker Giver/Administrative Assistant.”  Dumb.

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courtesy of babyblues.com rick kirkman/jerry scott

In all seriousness, though — when we were kids (back in the day), color names were pretty straight-forward or at least let you know in which direction the color was headed.

“Strawberry shortcake red?  Eh… that’ll be pink-ish.”

“Celestial blue?  Kind of purple-ish.”

These days?  Our kids are left to use fifty-eleven sheets of scrap paper in order to figure out which red is actually red.  RazzmatazzFlamingo Pink (RED)??  Big Dip’o Ruby?!  Look, I can get past the ridiculous names.  And I love that there are so many color options available for crafts and general coloring.  But why isn’t there a box of crayons strictly for school purposes?  I’m talking ordinary, no-nonsense, no mystery basic. freaking. colors.  Red. Pink. Purple. Blue. Green. DANDELION.  My five year old doesn’t need these millenial-derived, newfangled, pieces of wax mumbo jumbo.  He’s still learning that everyday colors are combined to make other great shades — why confuse the situation?  Why waste time?

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“Just grab the crayon that says ‘red’, Sarah, geez.”  Don’t think we didn’t try that.  It wasn’t red!  It was a dark pink with a red tint.  We wound up using .  Not even kidding.

And don’t get me started on PlaySkool or CraZArt brands (although, what can you expect from brands who purposely misspell their names).  Hot Chili Pepper — red wrapper, dark brown (almost black) wax: colors like mud.  Red Clay — orangeish wrapper, red wax: it’s freaking pink.  But I digress.

No joke, I’d buy the crap out of a 24-count box of primary/pastel colors even if the name on the box were “Basic Bitch Edition”.  I DON’T EVEN CARE.  I’m a busy mom of three boys. I don’t have time to play musical chairs, crayon edition.  Adding to that — I’m frugal as hell.  I’ve been told to “just throw the extra colors away”.  How about I throw you away, Susan?  Because I paid $1.98 for this box of shenanigans and I intend on my kids eventually using these crayons — even if it means I use $4 worth of paper and ink for coloring sheets.

courtesy: scarymommy.com

Do your littles get frustrated when they accidentally mis-color an assignment?  I think that’s where most of my “angst” is coming from, personally.  Connor is very much a “must be the right color/shape/number/etc” for his homework and gets plumb beside himself when he can’t fix the mistake.  Gabe has colored pencils that are erasable and has been letting Con use them for homework time which helps — although the colored pencils aren’t as “deceptive” as the colors.  Where are my teachers at?  Parents of pre-schoolers/kinders?  Obviously, this is not so much a big deal as it is a nuisance, but what are your opinions?  Are there boxes of regular shades and I’ve just been missing them?  Comment below!